I thought it was really interesting to learn about different family rules that people bring together when they get married. In his book Until Debt Do Us Part, Bernard Puduska talked about the different rules we learn from our families. These are explicit, implicit, and intuitive.
He explains that explicit rules are those that are kind of spelled out, or repeated often with words. For example, before my family moved into the house we have now we had a small kitchen. There was counter space on three sides and it made a square looking shape. My mom would always say "don't stand in my square!!" when she was making dinner. All the family and close friends knew to stay out or mom's square while dinner was being prepared. One of my husband's explicit family rules is that shoes go into the cubbies or into rooms. That was something that everyone knew who lived there because it was repeated.
Implicit rules are unspoken, but still the whole family knows them. One my family has is that no one eats until everyone has their plate made. Even if the prayer has already been said. I still hold to that rule and it drives my husband crazy when I won't start eating until he's done preparing his plate. One of my husband's unspoken family rules is that you check in before you leave and when you come home no matter what time it was.
I still don't completely understand intuitive rules, but Paduska says that they are basically like implicit rules, but on a larger scale. They have more to do with morals and legacy. The first thing that came to mind was my husband's family's profession. My mother and father in law are both mechanical engineers. My mother in law has been a stay at home mom since she's had kids, but that's what she graduated in. My husband is almost done with his mechanical engineering degree. My brother in law is studying mechanical engineering right now and my husband's next brother is also going to study mechanical engineering here at BYUI after his mission. He has 3 other siblings and I think they're going to have a hard time deciding what to be if they aren't engineers.
I think it's so interesting how these rules can shape a new marriage. I like that the book mentioned to be aware of the differences of opinion and be open to changing and adapting. We should be willing to listen to our spouses opinion and feelings and we should be willing to recognize that we can do things differently than we've done in the past. It's a lot of fun to make rule rules and traditions.
He explains that explicit rules are those that are kind of spelled out, or repeated often with words. For example, before my family moved into the house we have now we had a small kitchen. There was counter space on three sides and it made a square looking shape. My mom would always say "don't stand in my square!!" when she was making dinner. All the family and close friends knew to stay out or mom's square while dinner was being prepared. One of my husband's explicit family rules is that shoes go into the cubbies or into rooms. That was something that everyone knew who lived there because it was repeated.
Implicit rules are unspoken, but still the whole family knows them. One my family has is that no one eats until everyone has their plate made. Even if the prayer has already been said. I still hold to that rule and it drives my husband crazy when I won't start eating until he's done preparing his plate. One of my husband's unspoken family rules is that you check in before you leave and when you come home no matter what time it was.I still don't completely understand intuitive rules, but Paduska says that they are basically like implicit rules, but on a larger scale. They have more to do with morals and legacy. The first thing that came to mind was my husband's family's profession. My mother and father in law are both mechanical engineers. My mother in law has been a stay at home mom since she's had kids, but that's what she graduated in. My husband is almost done with his mechanical engineering degree. My brother in law is studying mechanical engineering right now and my husband's next brother is also going to study mechanical engineering here at BYUI after his mission. He has 3 other siblings and I think they're going to have a hard time deciding what to be if they aren't engineers.
I think it's so interesting how these rules can shape a new marriage. I like that the book mentioned to be aware of the differences of opinion and be open to changing and adapting. We should be willing to listen to our spouses opinion and feelings and we should be willing to recognize that we can do things differently than we've done in the past. It's a lot of fun to make rule rules and traditions.
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