I have really enjoyed the readings from this week. Especially those by Gottman in his book titled Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work. I have been praying a lot recently about how I can learn to communicate with my husband better. The struggle is all me. Rather than pleasantly talking about the things that are bothering me and moving on, or even arguing about my problems. I am extremely avoidant. I let things fester until I have a break down. These things aren't monumental. It could be that I want the house clean, but my husband has a lot of homework and I don't want to bother him. Or I don't want to make dinner (which I really don't have to do that often) and I get stressed and then my emotions boil over. Like I said, just silly minute things that I unfairly don't tell my husband about and instead make him wonder why I'm upset. I have been seeking help on how to fix this problem of mine because it's not fair to my husband and is pretty annoying to me from the outside looking in. I feel like this book is really going to help me answer a lot of the questions I've been having. I know that there are many ways to communicate to my husband how I'm feeling without the risk that we somehow won't be friends anymore. I know it's going to take lots of practice and lots of patience with myself, but I'm so grateful for Dr Gottman and his colleagues who have done the research to show me how to be better.
I have also learned this week that my husband and I are on really solid ground. My husband truly is my best friend. I know that every time I talk to him about how I feel and how I want to change things he always listens to me and we can work things through together. Because of the relationship we have I know I'm worried over nothing, but I'm looking forward to reading the rest of Gottman's book and learning more about how to strengthen my marriage.
Gottman also mentioned that every couple has to figure out their own style. Some couples can sit down and talk about their problems immediately and work things out that way. Others need to take some time away from the problem to calm down before they talk about things. Some don't talk about things. Others talk a lot about things in some heated tones. As long as couples are respectful and are friends their style works for their marriage and they can be happy.
Gottman pointed out that couples who make repair attempts, and are able to read their partner's repair attempts are happy couples as well. My husband is really great at this. Whenever I'm having a rough time he always finds a way to make me laugh or smile. After that I just can't stay upset or sad anymore. I love that. Other attempts could include just being willing to step back, realizing things are getting heated, have an inside joke, etc. Just anything to let the other person know that your relationship is more important than the argument.
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